soooo BUSTED!

So there we were, sitting innocently in his car, chatting and listening to the radio, basically minding our own business, in the 'Mamsha' parking lot. And a police car passes by. Odd, first time i see a police car patrolling around here. Usually they only graced us with their visits during Ramadan to execute the restraining order on the pesky hooligan kids.
And then i had a seizure.
The car was circling the area.
I nagged at Ganoo9 to get his car moving out of that darn place.
The police car came up and parked right next to us. Ganoo9 said to ignore it. After all, we were in a public place, just having a chat. For heavens sake!
And what i was dreading happened. The police man asked Ganoo9 to get out of the car. For a 'little chat'.
My heart dropped down to my ass.
Suddenly i found myself pulling my ID card out of my wallet and passing it through the window. And they kept 'chatting'. I couldnt hear what was being said.
Then the police man said 'what year was she born?' in a loud voice. And Ganoo9 echoed his question.. 'what year were you born?'. '85' i mumbled. Here we go.
More chatting. Those few minutes seemed to go on for eons. The crackle of the police radio. I couldnt see what was going on.
It was 6 in the evening, and it was pretty dark. For some reason the floodlight was off today. The parking lot was in shadows.
And then i realized they were shaking hands. Ganoo9 opened the door and got in.
We drove off.
'This is a lesson for you to listen to me when i tell you to do something, you stupid piece of shit!' I kept whinning.
Ganoo9 just laughed. 'You said i was boring. This is a little adventure for you!'

Creative Dodo

The Black Cat

My mistress was a very good natured, kind hearted woman. Unlike her cruel husband. She would allow me to share the most excellent foods with her, and from her plate too! These foods would include cold cuts of meat and all sorts of cheeses. I used to enjoy these immensely. It is very unfortunate for me that she is now dead, cold in her grave, and her evil husband is awaiting his sentence in court.
I would like to tell you, my dear kittens, the tragic tale that unfolded in that ghastly house. The day that the murder took place, I had urinated, on purpose mind you, into The Devils pipe. This sparked his fury. He trudged, pinched-faced into the shed and came back into the house with an axe. He had demons coming out of his eyes. At that moment i had been in the kitchen, lapping away at some milk that my wonderful mistress and placed out for me. I had been feeling a sense of triumph and accomplishment after what I had done with the bastards pipe. My milk trophy, and the great deal of petting and stroking i was receiving from my mistress proved my position; I was a winner.
Then all hell broke loose.
The 'mental thing' charged into the kitchen with the axe flailing overhead, heading for me, aiming to chop me in half. My mistress tried to obstruct the blow from landing on me, ended up receiving the axe in her own beloved head.
What came next i cannot be sure of, since i was in great shock, and can only remember hearing my own screeches bouncing off the walls in some dark, airless hell-hole.
I only remember that in my fear, i hid myself in my mistresses coat that she had been wearing to fend off the blistering winter cold. I guess that when the demon was attempting to rid himself of his wife's corpse, he hadn't known that I had hid myself between her clothes, and thus he buried us together in that tomb in the wall.
I rememeber also the feeling of tightness in the pitch dark. I was trapped and could hardly move or breathe. I cant recall how long i was in there. I only remember the sense of impending doom, that i would die there and no-one would know what had happened to me, or mourn for my poor soul! And suddenly, like an angel fallen down from heaven just to rescue me, there was a gentle tap against the wall. At the time, this gentle tap sounded like the roar of life. It deafened me. I gave the most blood-curdling scream that i could conjour. As if by magic, the wall that had emprisoned me was eaten away, ever so slowly, by the hands of my saviours... the police!
Once again i was triumphant over that evil, wretched man. I had let the police in on his vicious secret! I have proved that the saying 'he who laughs last, laughs hardest' does ring true! And i am the living proof of this!

Tag

Thanks for tagging me.. As you can see, theres not much on my desktop. Boring, eh? Oh and thats my room by the way :P

Tribute To Ganoo9

This might be of no interest to anyone but the Almighty Ganoo9 himself. But im blogging this incident coz he wanted to know what i thought of the entire situation that happened between us and im not that great with conveying my thoughts into spoken language, so i might aswell.
There i was laying down on the couch eating another bar of loackers chocolate wafer biscuits when i decided to call Ganoo9 and have a little chit chat. Turns out he was headed down to Joha's Koshary joint. Nasty shit. Anyway, he invites me to go hang out. So i agree. By the time he'd be done eating his stuff i'd have finished getting dressed. This was a little before 8 in the evening. So i got dressed and was done by around 8:45 (yeah im a gurl.. i do take my time to prep myself) and i headed out to our rendez-vous point. I get in the car with him, and we take a spin around the area, and finally head back to the place where we started. I was bored already. He was in no mood to go far, since he was constipated i guess from all that trash he had eaten, but he refused to use the Burger King bathroom. Go figure.
Anway, we get into this heated debate about how i was still upset with him after all this time coz he wouldn't take me to Shaab Park, and how i felt he was a truely boring person and didnt know how to have a little fun. One thing lead to another. I cant remember all the stuff we talked about. Most of it was, and still is, of no significance to me. I started rambling on about how much of what he said and did didnt matter much to me, if at all. He was always telling me about the same boring old stuff that i wasnt interested in at all. Like his homeworks of future investment plans and what not. Its not that i didnt care. I just couldnt act like i was interested when i really wasnt. Especially if these were the only things he could ever discuss with me.
I started telling him about this R. Kelly number where he says something like '..and if you ever get her back, it will never be the same' and how when i got broken i got myself back together with superglue and now i was practically indestructable no matter what anyone said or did, especially him. He said i was '3ademat masha3er'. I agreed. I wasnt ready to get into a fight. He asked me why, for the past 2 or so days, i have been hell-bent on pissing him off and making him upset. I told him that wasnt my plan. I was only trying to make him see things from my point of view of things, my perspective. He said 'but did i ask you to tell me what you thought of me, did i ask you if you thought i was boring or not?' I said no, but i just felt like letting him know what i thought. He called me evil. I nodded and grinned. Ganoo9 said that everything has a weak point, even things that had been stuck back together with superglue. All superglue needed was a little bit of heat to make it melt. In my mind i agreed, but what i couldnt tell him was that he didnt have the heat i needed. He had long ago lost that touch. He was blinding himself to my simple needs. Simple, yes. But to me they meant something. I wasnt getting neither the physical nor the emotional satisfaction from him for the glue to start giving. I needed so much more than for him to ask me what my plans for the week were, or what i had done in the past few days he hadnt talked to me coz he was busy as usual with whatever it was that he was occupying himself with, and his lame excuses that he still uses to try and convince me why he had his phone off for the past century. I had slowly started to lose interest when i didnt find, in him, what i was looking for. I was no Hilary Clinton, and he was no Bill. I couldnt find the heart to be the way i used to be when i was around him. He didnt seem to know how to even put the effort to make my superglue melt. He couldnt satisfy my childish wish of wanting to go to Shaab Park. Not even a simple request like that could he fulfill for me. Its not that i was dying to go to Shaab Park. Shaab Park just symbolized all the small things i wanted to do, with him. 'Us' time. I could've easily gone with anyone else. Or maybe even alone if i really wanted to. A need he seemingly wasnt willing to satisfy.
He just couldnt get it.

Hot Foxy Mama

NEW YORK — Foxy Brown says she hasn't heard another person's voice in six months and will have surgery early next year to restore her hearing.
The 26-year-old rapper was diagnosed with sudden hearing loss in May while she was recording her upcoming album, she told reporters Thursday.
"I ask only for your continued prayers and compassion as I embrace the blessings of my journey," Brown said, her voice at times choking up and tears coming to her eyes.
She was accompanied by supporters including Russell Simmons and his wife, Kimora Lee Simmons, and Brown's new lawyer, Joseph Fleming.
Brown's former lawyer, Joseph Tacopina, disclosed her hearing loss last week. He had been asked why they had exchanged notes while waiting in Manhattan Criminal Court for her case to be called on an unresolved 2004 assault charge. The two parted ways just days later.
At the news conference, Brown's medical consultant, Laura Arias, refused to give any details on what the surgery would involve, the exact date it would take place, or how long the recovery would be.
Brown said she would return to recording as soon as possible.
"I am racing to the studio the moment that God affords me the opportunity to hear again," she said.

Couldn't it have been a sign from God telling her to shut her loud mouth up and stop being the dumb ass slut that she is? No ones listening to her vile trash.. even her own ear drums couldn't handle her beef and shit. LOL

Thursday Night

Seeing as it officially the weekend here in kuwait, i am forced to face this screen since there is nothing else to do. I had committed myself to never making any public appearances on Thursday nights long ago.
Just fresh out of my third shower in less than 24 hours and counting, i sit and wonder what time consuming task could possibly be out there that i can 'tackle'? I would've taken a bath instead of a shower, which is more time consuming, but the idea of soaking myself in my own filth never appealed to me.
Having turned down that single invitation to go out, which could have somehow saved me from going out of my own mind, i find myself on the brink of a tear monsoon.I have tried to waste time in any form possible, with the exception of stepping out of the house. 'Read' a few pages of Ali G's Ghospel too. Drank a few rounds of Sunkist apple juice. Talked on the phone. Chatted with some cyber space pals. Browsed through the oh-so-many television stations. But nothing seems to make the clock tick any faster.
If you were in my shoes, what would you do to preserve whatever was left of your fragile sanity?

Resurrection

After a stroll down Anjafa Beach with my hob-knob Ganoo9 and his dogs, im very pleased to say that my spirits, even in this weather, have been much lifted.
Then again, that might be because i have been finally relieved of the project that i had been feeling such anxiety about for the past semester. Either way, im happy with the results of these slight changes in my daily routine; they have made me somewhat giddy with joy.

My Mazaaj Of Late

Please could you stop the noise,
I'm trying to get some rest
From all the unborn chicken voices in my head
What's that...? (I may be paranoid, but not an android)
What's that...? (I may be paranoid, but not an android)

When I am king, you will be first against the wall
With your opinion which is of no consequence at all
What's that...? (I may be paranoid, but no android)
What's that...? (I may be paranoid, but no android)

Ambition makes you look pretty ugly
Kicking and squealing gucci little piggy
You don't remember
You don't remember
Why don't you remember my name?
Off with his head, man
Off with his head, man
Why don't you remember my name?
I guess he does...

Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me

That's it, sir
You're leaving
The crackle of pigskin
The dust and the screaming
The yuppies networking
The panic, the vomit
The panic, the vomit
God loves his children,
God loves his children,
Yeah!

-Paranoid Android Lyrics

Frustration

As i find myself incapable of gobbling down the last piece of home made chapati bread, i start to think of what i had done throughout the day.
What have YOU done today?
How have you benefited the world around you, if at all?
For me, my day was full of exciting events.I skipped skool today, as i have gotten accustomed to doing. If mobile phones could ring off their 'hooks', im sure mine would've tied nooses around their necks and just gotten the thing over with. With my face buried in my pillows, and my own slobber trickling into my ears to give me that exquisite tingling sensation, i blindly try to reach for the phone, but alas, to no avail. I couldnt even get myself to look up so that i could at least turn the phone onto silent mode, and get my sleep on.
As i was telling Mini R. later on, i had a nightmare that left me gasping for air. i dreamt 'we' (i dont remember who was with me, but im sure there was a guy and a kid) were being chased by the mafia in the condo's underground parking lot, and cars were trying to turn us into roadkill. Then we were running up the stairs to our lavish manhattan penthouse (yes, even in my dreams im very shallow), trying to salvage whatever possessions we could before the mafia could get to us. And my biggest concern was to find my dog. What dog? Id given that annoying mut away a long time ago, and subconciously i knew that i didnt have a dog, but for some reason, the me in the dream kept on frantically searching for the damned thing. Ever get that urge to tell yourself to not do something in a dream, like you were just the spectator spirit who could rant and rave all you want, but the protagonist, who ironically represents you, never seems to be able to hear or see you? So i go out onto the Aladdin cartoon-esque balconey, and dig through the junk piled out there, still looking for the dog. The maid we had, like, 10 years ago, mysteriously shows up, and starts helping in the search for the dog. I felt like kicking her up the ass, she was always such a useless old hag. Now where in the world is carmen san-doggio? I find mountains and mountains of dry doggy food, as well as kennels, leashes, toys, you name it. Why doesnt anyone ever clean this place?! Then i stumble upon a dog house (keep in mind, this is all happening IN the penthouse) and lo and behold! I find a dachshund.. a far cry from the 'working breed dog' i used to have. This poor thing was sooo malnourished, so covered in its own faeces, that when i put out a hand full of doggy fodder, the thing just gave me this bewildered look, and yawned at me! Anyways, my weird dream was cut short by the maid banging on my door telling me that it was 3 o'clock. Lunch was ready...

Testing.. 1,2,3... Testing.. 7AWEL!!

Boredom sinks in again as usual. Ive browsed through countless blogs more times than i can remember. Browsed through google for nothing in particular.Then i stumbled across something. Ill copy paste my personal favourites.
Warning: what you are about to read is sexually explicit, amongst other things. Do not read if you get offended easily, are sensitive to perversion, or have no tolerance for filth.
Proceed at your own risk.-



Geritolation.
The act of eating a bloody cunt for the sole purpose of iron supplementation.


-Mexican Doorbell
Repeatedly ram your Latin princess' head into the bed's headboard while violating her rear entrance. After her head volleys off the headboard every couple times or so, ask her who's knocking at the door. If she answers anything other than "PAPI", in your favorite, dirty, south-of-the-border mexican style accent, keep rhythmically knocking at the door until she answers correctly.


-Taste the Rainbow
Before you fuck your girlfriend, go into the bathroom where you previously stashed a bag of skittles. Proceed to insert as many skittles in your anal cavity as humanly possible. (For best results make sure you have 1 or every color up there.) Return to your girlfriend and beg her to toss your salad. Tell her you were just in the bathroom for 3 hours just to make sure your ass was nice and clean for her purty little mouth. After she undoubtedly agrees and she begins to toss away, squeeze out all the skittles into her mouth and scream "AHHHHHH SKITTLES, Taste the Rainbow!". Eating them afterwards is of course solely dependent on how sick you two really are.


-Buysexual
A condition where your girlfriend only puts out after you buy her something.


-Chewbacca
While your girlfriend is sleeping, climb on the bed and put your nuts right in front of her face. Then, give her a sharp jab in the side. When she suddenly wakes up, your pre-positioned nuts will enter her mouth and produce a muffled scream similar to everyone's favorite wookie. RRRRHHHHHGGGGGGGG!!!!


-Fresh Bread
During that long drive home with your fellow carpoolers from work, eek out an SBD (Silent but Deadly) and say "we must be driving by a bakery....anyone else smell fresh bread"? Since the smell of fresh baked bread is close to Godliness, everyone will snap to attention and fill their lungs with a deep whiff. The first scent that hits them will be intriguing, they'll sniff deeper to try to catch the aroma, then everyone's eyes will water as you try not to piss yourself.


-Snoopys Nightmare
During a spur of the moment masturbation session, you jizz on your sleeping dog cause your dumb ass didn't have anything nearby to spooge into.


-Mexican Oven
When lying in bed with your wife and you feel like you got the runs, calmly get up and tuck in the sheets nice and neat then quickly jump into bed throwing the blankets up over both of your heads and let the shit run rabid all over the sheets. When she's realized what's happening she'll go nuts trying to get out while getting the watery wet stinky shit all over her. Now don't worry about getting it all over you, cause for those five minutes... you're Mexican.


-Ahab
While fucking your girl doggie style, you suddenly pull out for no apparent reason. When she turns around for an explanation, she notices you've jumped off the bed onto a skateboard, holding the mighty dildo-harpoon in hand, cocked and ready to spear her in the ass. You pursue her as she runs out of the house and down the street while yelling, "You're not getting away from me this time, White Whale!".


-Ass Wednesday
On Ash Wednesday, anal-fuck your partner into oblivion. Just before you let loose your goo, pull out, spin her around, and let it loose in her eyes. Then, wipe your shit-covered dick across her forehead in the sign of the cross. The result is an observant beeyotch, blinded by your religious experience. Bless you my child.


-Wonderkiss
The kiss goodnight your mom gives you right after she gave dad a blow job. It’s named a wonderkiss because now after you read this, you'll always wonder if this happened to you at some time in your life...


-Angry Dragon
Immediately after you blow your load in a girls mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.


-Bronco
You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.


-Coyote
This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.


-Dirty River
You give a bitch the most painful anal sex of her life and then ask her to turn around. Just as she turns you surprise her with a low blow, a punch to her lower stomach as hard as you can. Once you land the blow she will shit uncontrollably, shit will flow from her worn out asshole like a dirty fucking river. Then just sit back and enjoy the show.


-Dirty Sanchez
A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.


-Dutch Oven
Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).


-Flying Camel
A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.


-Rear Admiral
An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watching her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.


-Shocker
When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.)


-Snowball
Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you.


-Knee Clapper
When some asshole is eating you out, say another guy's name. When he raises his head in confusion, slam your knees together as fast as you can in a clapping motion, knockin him out cold. A great way to get yours and slip the fuck out of there.


-Lorena Bobbit
Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core boodie sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.)


-Screwnicorn
When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.


-Carebear Stare
After you’re done making a girl cry after destroying her virgin vertical smile, this is the teary-eyed look she gives you as you wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear right before you leave.




If you made it through that, and are still in one peace, lemme know which was your favourite. Oh you dirty scumbag you.

The Epic Tale Of The Yo-Yo Bugger

I feel a goooooooood vibe coming on! And for all the wrong reasons too! Whoopty-doo!
Alrighty then, my limited club of fans.
Im sure someone, anyone, is gonna relate to this story in one way or another. This is how it starts off..

Once upon a blue moon, Boogie was feelin her usual bored, crappy self, when Tamtam decided to call her and ask her to go out, run a few errands. Boogie was in no mood to be seen by anyone of the general Kuwaity public, but after a few minutes of whinning and refusing on Boogie's part, Tamtam finally managed to convince Boogie to go out. It might do Boogie some good too, smell some fresh Kuwaity air, see the beautiful Kuwaity sights.
Anyhoo, Boogie immediately started to feel relaxed, when she got in the car with Tamtam and Tamtam complemented her on how damn fiiiiiiiiiine Boogie's hair looked today. Gush. And the good vibes started to get stronger, when Tamtam played a few golden oldies, of which were a few all-time favourites of Boogies, including Dirty Diana, by Michael Jackson, and a few other amazing ass-shaking numbers. Tamtam had a weekly appointment with her dietician, and since there was a long cue of your average fat-Janes, Boogie and Tamtam proceeded to browse through some of the magazines that were lying around, hoping to find some mind-boggling articles to read to waste the time. And they were mind boggling alright! They came across a magazine called 'New', and oh the shock! The horror! This magazine was aimed, they guessed, at the mainstream Kuwaity youth. By youth, Boogie and Tamtam mean 'intellectual' college kids. Intellectual? Hah! The magazine was mainly full of intriguing polls for intellectual college kids to use their cobweb-covered brain clogs and come up with answers to the problems and concerns of the Kuwaity society. One poll Boogie and Tamtam cracked up over was as follows:
'Can you tell the difference between fake and original merchandise?" The answers these wiz kids came up with were so shocking! No one could have possibly come up with more ingenius solutions to this catastrophic shock-wave of a problem that was hitting kuwait!
The audacity these people have to even bother thinking of a reply to this spastic question is totally beyond me! Boogie decided to save this rare gem of sophisticated, earth shattering, news breaking literature, so she can flip through it the rest of the day, and see what wealth of knowledge she can get out of it. Heck, she might even become a better person because of it! Talk about self improvement.. LOL!
By now you're probably thinking what any of this has to do with yoyo buggers. Im getting there. After Tamtam was done with her dietician, she decided that she wanted to go to Arraya because she had some unfinished business to take care of (as in return some clothes.. why do you always have to think its something negative?!) Anyways, after Tamtam was done, Tamtam decided to try out the much-talked-about Burger Boutique. Boogie was trying to go on a diet, but couldnt resist trying this place out. People talked about it like it was a burger orgie! Burgers so good you'd get a flipping orgasm! Things smelt fishy the moment the indian waiter dude decided to swagger across to the gurls and 'subtly' hit on Tamtam. As if they didnt feel out of place enough as it was! And of all people, an indian waiter! Yes, this narrator is very very very racist and bias. Get over it.
Let me explain. Arraya is very much a Salhiya Complex wannabee. The place where the aristocratic, 'creme-de-la-creme' of kuwaity society hang out. Boogie and Tamtam were just your average gurl next door, bourjois type of chickas. And they definately did not fit in in a social setting were it was considered taboo to even think of smiling, or even laughing out loud for that matter. For Gods sake people. Lighten up! Actually, get a fricking life!
So Boogie and Tamtam take a seat in their booth, and flip through the menu. The place was nice and casual. And the prices were decent. Its just that a cool, funky, hip place like this doesnt deserve the disgrace of being placed in snobby Arraya. After much consideration, Boogie and Tamtam place their orders, and while they waited for their food to arrive, they did what any other average gurls would do, and checked the place out. By checking out, they mean criticizing every stuck up, pole up the ass, full of thyself person that went by. Especially the stereotypical perfect couples. Ugh. Do these people even talk to each other at all? Judging from the grim Kabuki masks they wear on their faces, they must be the most miserable, indecent, two-faced snots that ever graced the planet with their pathetic existance.
So the food arrives. And as Boogie had presumed, it was so over-rated it wasnt even funny. But then again, what new hangout in kuwait isnt? You aint a 'real' kuwaity citizen til you've been to one of these strictly 'posh & elites' places.
In circumstances and places like these, a thought always pops into Boogies mind. She immediately remembers the theme of her all-time favourite movie 'Cat On A Hot Tin Roof', starring Elizabeth Taylor, Paul Newman and Burl Ives. Burl Ives, as 'Big Daddy', rants and raves about mendacity and how people put up a front, a show, to suck up to his fat ass and please him before he dies, so they can get a share of his fortune in his will. What do people expect to achieve when they act like string puppets? Who are they trying to please? How could they just trample on the itty bitty voice inside them thats trying to scream 'LET ME OUT.. THIS IS NOT FOR ME!! IM NOT THIS PERSON I SEEM TO BE!! HELP ME SET MYSELF FREEEEEEEEE!!' Dont these people know that average Janes and Joes like Boogie and Tamtam caught onto their lame ass game a looooong time ago?
Im getting off track. Back to the burgers. Having a seriously aggrevating time trying to eat her burger with her hands and not letting anything fall, trying her very bestest to hide the slop that she is, Boogie gives up and eats her burger like the wild, untamed beast that she is so well accustomed to being. And Tamtam does the same. Problem is, although Boogie could eat as sloppily as she wished, since her back was to the rest of the people lunching at the place, every minute action Tamtam made, every tiny detail, was being spyed upon, and ultimaletly, mocked and mimicked by the other Boutique customers. It gave Boogie an eerily unnerving, restless feeling. Trying to lighten the situation up, Tamtam picks up a raw onion ring and wiggles it in Boogies face, and with a hint of perversion in her expression and tone, asks Boogie what that onion reminded Boogie of. 'YOYO BUGGERS' screeched Boogie. 'You know, when you're in the middle of an exam and you've had your head down so long staring at that damned question you never seem to be able to answer, and the inevitable yoyo bugger decides to show up. And as always, you dont have any tissue with you! So what do you do? You decided to play yoyo bugger! Yoyo bugger, where you let that bugger go down as low as you can get it to go without touching your exam paper, and then you snort it all back up!!!!'
Tamtam couldnt help but have a hysterical fit. Boogie decided to join in the fun and the two went on laughing like they were a pair of insane hyenas. Although Boogie could feel the burning stares on the back of her neck, she couldnt help but be the looney bin that she already is, and had not a care in the world what the snob-fest was thinking of her and Tamtam. This was soul food! These are the times you'll look back on and say 'i had soooo much fun'. This is MEDICINE, people. YOU HEAR ME? You wont be looking back at the time you went strutting down Marina Crescent and what not, striking poses for the local ass-wipes. Its these fun times you had just hanging out and being your plain old self with your best friend that'll stick in your memory for ever and ever, AMEN!
The drama doesnt end here. Theres a little left to unfold. Tamtam had invited Boogie to the Boutique, and wasnt carrying cash. So of course, she had to go inside and use the K-NET machine. Boogie couldnt help but tease and say, 'did they ask you to see the manager, because being the regular flat-out broke bum that you are, you couldnt even pay for their royal blueblooded, holy cow burgers'? Heave-hoe.


P.S. if you did relate to this story, feel free to change the names of the characters, add and what not, as you see fit.
Tadaa!

Humph

Since ive been getting so much negative feedback on my previous posts, would someone suggest a general issue for me to discuss, that requires a lot less hate and cussing? Quite frankly, i cant think of anything. Be dears and help me out.

Sanka yooh's!

Dodo Mania

It is a well known fact that the Dodo bird is a long gone, wiped out species. When the phrase 'extinct species' is mentioned, what is the first thing that pops into mind, other than dinosaurs? For me it has always been the Dodo. What made me base the name of my blog on this bird, other my utter and complete fascination with them, is the reason as to why their demise was inevitable, and why i feel like the human Dodo on so many levels.

"Having been isolated by its island location from contact with humanity, the Dodo greeted the new visitors with a child-like innocence. The sailors mistook the gentle spirit of the Dodo, and its lack of fear of the new predators, as stupidity. They dubbed the bird "dodo" (meaning something similar to a simpleton in the Portuguese tongue). Many dodo were killed by the human visitors, and those that survived man, had to face the introduced animals."

"The dodo bird, historically, has been viewed as a rather plump bird, weighing approximately 20-23 kilograms (Im a rather plump human dodo myself). What distinguishes the dodo from many other birds is not just its size, but that it was flightless. Despite its large build, the dodo had small, weak wings which could not lift it into the air. Thus it was easy prey to the Portuguese invaders who would club the bird to death as it approached them seeking friendship."

Always the odd-one-out. Even on their own land.

Well i say, no more! No longer will this human dodo be vulnerable and weak in the face of the enemy! No longer shall my spirit be trampled upon by inferior, primative 'human' beings! I will not stand for it. My 'gentle spirit' and good nature have done me absolutely zero good, when the only smart thing to do when handling YOU people is to give you the evil eye and a serious attitude! Why is it that when i treated you with respect and utter humiliation on my behalf, you decided i was an easy target for your bullying antics? Where in hells name did dignity, manners, and plain old gentlemanlyness go?

Unleash the revenge of the Dodo. Let the world go into the infernal abyss.

Q

My baby boo Q.. what can i say? You is one sexy muthafuck. And you know it.

Some of Q's insane Yahoo! ID's, in no particular order :-

no condom fits my dick
y0 tanned babes holla
lt aint a thang f0r realies
beat loc hoes wida thick zupirya
tupac is my psychologist
i bet u ur pubic longa dan yo hair
he just dissed dat lady callin her booi

Bleh

My word of the day today is sick. I woke up to find myself drowning in a pool of sweat. Ew gross. Who the fuck turned down the AC? When is 'winter' ever going to show its face in this God-damned hell-hole of a country?
And to make things even more fucked up, after last nights harrassment-fest of getting people to leave comments on this shit-sty of a blog, i come to realize that no new comments had been left since id gone off to bed. Not a single fricking comment. And the comments that i DO have are by annonymous good for nothing non-bloggers who didnt know what a blog actually was til i copy pasted my link into their unsuspecting mush-brains. Hallelujiah.
'Sitting' in yahoo arab chat:10, my ears are constantly bombarded with a question that never seems to stop giving me serious palpatations. The inevitable zalama/mosarwa 'momkin nit3araf 3ala bent 7ilwa mn il room?' shinanigans. Do they honestly still believe, after all these years of internet access, that anything fruitful could possibly come from those lame words? And the one thats even worse than 'momkin nit3araf' is the ghastly 'ASL'. *Shudder*. Pass the barf bag. Talk about a wise-crack line to get you to first base with a girl. Be original people.
Yeah, i didnt think you could be.

Wait A Second

Psychotic? Insane? Nut-job? What other synonyms are there that describe the creature that i have evolved into being?

Lets see what i can find on thesaurus.com.
Hmm.
Interesting.

'batty, bizarre, bonkers, cracked, crackers, crazed, crazy, cuckoo, daft, demented, derailed, deranged, fatuous, frenzied, gone, half-cocked, idiotic, impractical, irrational, irresponsible, loony, lunatic, mad, maniacal, mental, moonstruck, nuts, nutty, paranoid, preposterous, psychopathic, psychotic, rabid, raging, raving, schizo, schizophrenic, screwy, senseless, stupid, touched, unglued, unhinged, unsettled, unzipped, whacko, wild'.

'dement, fruitcake, head case, lunatic, madman, madwoman, maniac, mental defective, neurotic, non compos, nutter, raving lunatic'.

And who's fault is it? Dont hold it against me. Some people actually love me exactly the way i am. Really.

Talking To My Hamster Scampy

Bow before the Almighty Dodo Bird

(grabs the karaokee machine, plugs in the mic)

*sing at the top of my lungs*

THIIIIIIIIIS IS THE PLACE WHERE YOU BELOOOOOOOOOONG
UH UH UH UH
RIGHT HERE IN MY ARMS
(head bobbing)
WITHOUT YOU SOMETHING IS WROOOOOOOONG
COME ON SCAMPY HELP ME SING IT
THIIIIIIIIIS IS THE PLACE WHERE YOU BELOOOOOOOONG
3ASHAW
JANA JANA JANA
JANA YA WA6ANAH (allah ya5thik ya puff, made it stick in my head)
WARAAAA
SARAAAA
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW
EVERYBODY SING WITH MEEEEE
(does an Elvis-Presley-ish karate kick)
MISERYYYYYYY
SUCH A FOOL TO LET YOU WALK AWAY FROM MEEEEE
MADRY SHINO YEAH YEAH
UH UH UH UH
I FEEL GOOD
DUNA DUNA DUNA DUN
I KNEW THAT I WOULD
DUNA DUNA DUNA DUN
I FEEEEEL NICE
LIKE SUGA AND SPICE
I FEEEEEEEEEEEL GOOD
SO GOOD SO GOOD
I GOT YOU
DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOW
NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
NAR NAR NAR
ANA ALBY AYED NAR
NAR NAR NAR
MADRY SHINO 5ALA9 I7TAR
YEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
7ABEEBY YA KITHER 6EBAAAAAAAAAAA
Y5AJILNY BETAR7EBAAAAAAAA
WALADRY KAIF AHALY BAAAAAAAA
3ASANY MAN7IRIM MINAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
3ASANYYYYYYY MAN7IRIM MINAAAAH
HELLO HELLO HELLO HOW LOW
HELLO HELLO HELLO HOW LOW
WITH THE LIGHTS OUT
ITS LETS DANGEROUS
HERE WE ARE NOW
ENTERTAIN US
I FEEL STUPID
AND CONTAGIOUS
HERE WE ARE NOW
ENTERTAIN US
YEAH
NA ANNANANANANA NA
YEAH
1 2 3 KDD
LABAN ILWAFRA YA 7BAYEB
6AYEB
6AYEB
3ASHAW
6AYEB
YA HOOOOOOOOO
YOU ARE THE PERFECT DRUUUUUUUUUG
THE PERFECT DRUUUUUUUG
THE PERFECT DRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG
GET JIGGY WID IT
NANA NANA NANA NANA NA
NANA NANA NA NA NA
GET JIGGY WID IT

(heads for the medicine cabinet and pops a few panadol extras before the throbbing headache gets out of hand)

WTF

How come the number of views my blog gets keeps accelerating at a fascinating pace, but i dont seem to get any comments?

Hardy Har-Har

I had so many thoughts running through my puney brain a few minutes ago while i was in the bog taking a leak. They all evaporated somehow. What was i thinking back there? Damnit.

Eeeeee its all coming back to me. Seeing as i had a fight with dear old mom last night and im in no mood for another fit of screeching, kicking, biting, slapping and the inevitable lecture, im stuck at home yet again facing this damned screen with nothing to do but blab. Blab on end.

Why do i occupy and concern my mind with trivial things? Why do i get on the verge of a nervous breakdown when i talk to someone who was supposed to call me last night but for some reason they couldnt? Why why why why?

Why do i run around after people who treat me like trash? Why do i still run after them even when i know that they think of me that way?

Why do i treat people who like me like they were 3 day old used diapers covered in green baby diarrhea? Karma? I dont believe in that bogus.

Do i have a bitchy attitude? I didnt think so either.

Does it make sense that the person you loved so much a year ago, if a second went by and they didnt call you, you'd be worried sick to your stomach, but now when you see an sms from them you roll your eyes and burp the stinkiest, loudest, juiciest burp you can muster?

I told you its trivial. I dont appreciate the sarcastic look on your face.

So Needy

Know those moments of your utmost dire need to talk to someone? Anyone? And you look around and no ones there. You call your friends they're all busy. You log onto your MSN and no ones online. You call your bf/gf and their phone is switched off as always. What do you do at times like these? Bang your head against the wall? You'll be in deep shit when your mom finds you ruined her beige living room wall with a dirty spatter of your foul blood. Overdose on a humongous bag of lays chips? That bag isnt an endless pit you know. Besides, lays arent that great. So overrated. Write a post on your brand spanking new blog? A dry spell has befallen my life of late. Thus there wouldnt be much to talk about. If i had anything better to do i sure as hell wouldnt be facing this screen right now writing something that most probably wont be read by anyone except those morons on blogspot.com fishing out people violating their terms of service.
Cheers

My Idol

Daddy You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.

Daddy, I have had to kill you.
You died before I had time --
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,
Ghastly statue with one gray toe
Big as a Frisco seal

And a head in the freakish Atlantic
Where it pours bean green over blue
In the waters off the beautiful Nauset.
I used to pray to recover you.
Ach, du.

In the German tongue, in the Polish town
Scraped flat by the roller
Of wars, wars, wars.
But the name of the town is common.
My Polack friend

Says there are a dozen or two.
So I never could tell where you
Put your foot, your root,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.

It stuck in a barb wire snare.
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly speak.
I thought every German was you.
And the language obscene

An engine, an engine,
Chuffing me off like a Jew.
A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen.
I began to talk like a Jew.
I think I may well be a Jew.

The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna
Are not very pure or true.
With my gypsy ancestress and my weird luck
And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack
I may be a bit of a Jew.

I have always been scared of you,
With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo.
And your neat mustache
And your Aryan eye, bright blue.
Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You --

Not God but a swastika
So black no sky could squeak through.
Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.

You stand at the blackboard, daddy,
In the picture I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot
But no less a devil for that, no not
Any less the black man who

Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look

And a love of the rack and the screw.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.

If I've killed one man, I've killed two --
The vampire who said he was you
And drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.

There's a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagers never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I'm through.

-Sylvia Plath

Kiss My Sweet Juicy Bum Bum

It never ceases to amaze me. Those critters we all have that society calls 'our parents'. According to dictionary.com, the definition of 'parent' is as follows:

1-One who begets, gives birth to, or nurtures and raises a child; a father or mother.
2-An ancestor; a progenitor.
3-An organism that produces or generates offspring.
4-A guardian; a protector.
5-A parent company.
6-A source or cause; an origin: Despair is the parent of rebellion

Personally, id go with definition #3. Our so called parents produced/ generated us and then dumped us on maids or the tv or what not to bring us up. Tonight, i was home a few hours late, what with my curfew being 9 pm for some reason or other. Like i was still a baby who needed to be bossed around and told what to do for the sake of their own good. And i like breaking those lame rules. My mom works til about 9 at night, and my dad was on duty. So i admit, i abused my limited freedom. Then again, even if i hadnt gone out til late they still wouldnt have known shit what i was doing at home. i might've been humping a boy in their bedroom for all they knew. And that royally pisses me off. What gives these spasticated wannabe parents the right to worry about me or get angry at me because i was out after my pathetic curfew? They dont know what seriously messed up things i do throughout the rest of the day. If you're gonna judge me, look at your fucked up flaws first. See why im doing whatever it is that you think im doing. You'll find that you're the source of EVERYTHING thats going wrong. EVERYTHING.
Fuck you mom. Fuck you dad.

Peace

Fee Fie Foe Fumm

Its 6:11 pm.. not a single intelligent thought is going through my head. Its the weekend and theres nothing to do. Yet theres so much piled up projects and homeworks due in any second now. Why can't i seem to be able to get myself off my lazy ass, pull my socks up and get a move on? Oh wait a minute. I just remembered. I DONT WANNA FUCKING DO NO NOTHING. Hey I dont even know what im talking about myself, so just let it slide will ya? Sheesh.
Hmm. Puff's supposed to come pick me up in a few. Enjoy a couple of joints. Where the hell is he? Prolly still at the barber shop getting his Craig David thing on. Excuse my ignorance. Ill excuse yours too. As you can already tell, theres no story to this blog. Im just trying to pass the time. If you were looking for something intelligent to read, then please be my guest and move on away from here. Skoot. Shoo!

Well if you're still readying on, i might aswell keep on whinning and bitching, eh? Pass the jar of prozac if you will. Pop a few proza-skittles. Yummy. Nice and chewey. Want one? Sharing is caring. Since i dont give half a shit about you, im not giving you any. HEEEEEEEEEEEY give it back you piece of kaka. Didnt your mama teach you to not take something thats not yours? Go learn some manners you nincumpoop (dunno how to spell it but you get my drift right?).

Its already 6:20. Wow look how little ive written in all that time. And still nothing decent running through my head. Maybe if i concentrated a bit? Naah wont do no good, ill just end up getting constipated. We dont want that now do we?

Still waiting for mister wise-guy to log on. Looks like i got a hefty block. Not a delete though. I just checked. Maybe he forgot. Oh well, what to do what to do. Im bored poopless. Actually Im full of shit. Im just taking a dump here. Im so vulgar, isnt that cool? Dont you just love me? Awww you is so sweet. Now wheres my handy dandy straight jacket. Yes please help me put it on. I'd like a bow-knot. Said you're taking me for a ride? On the ice-cream truck?! Lucky me. You just made my day. This is gonna be so much fun. We'll all go to the looney bin. Sit around on those evil hard-on-your-ass garden plastic chairs and watch some tv.

Ok thats enough. Salam

Morbid Obsessions

Life begins to seem a lot more precious when you come to the realization that you can kill or be killed (accidentally or intentionally), with almost every single tangible object on the face of our good earth. I guess it's better for us girls, coz we can masturbate with all of them.